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02/07/2015 00:04:58
Public Pad Latest text of pad hIq34IghvB Saved Feb 7, 2015 |
Cards against Users
It's like Cards Against Humanity (cardsagainsthumanity.com/) but for systemadministrators. We need plenty white cards with terms and some black cards to fit those in. See the list below.
#
# WHITE CARDS
#
Richard Stallman's beard
William Henry Gates III
Windows ME
A hammer
A flurry of thrown axes made out of server blades
Apple fanatics
The ghost of Steve Jobs
XKCD comics
Our lord and saviour Cthulhu
The indian support hotline guy
42
A racecondition
init 0
Users™
distributed realtime Java
Fefe
High sunspot activity
A Trojan Horse
YouPorn
Gasoline
Heartbleed
A router
A firewall
Nagios
X.509 certificates
The Bastard Operator from Hell
Chinese hackers
Token Ring
Visual Basic for Applications
InternetExplorer 6.0
The NSA
The GCHQ
A DAU
Magnetic Tape Head Cleaner
The Google Headquarters
A Zuse Z1
Magnets
Thick Ethernet
My voice
Backups
The CeBIT
Penetration tests from behind
An APC UPS
A wirecutter
Fnord
Alpha particle invasion in the RAM
Pizza
OTR encryption
The Big Bang Theory
Battery acid
240 Volts
The conference room
Firefly
Blitzkrieg
The Pentium FDIV bug
Asians
systemd
Dual boot
A crashed HDD
SQL
Oracle
rem0te
The test environment
Donald Knuth
Solar Flares
PEBKAC
Remote hands
lolcats
4chan.org
Anonymous
Hentai
Tentacle porn
Filesharing
Spam
InfosecTaylorSwift
the hotline
That switch with the labels "110" and "220" at the back of the PC
Layer 8 problems
Internet
Production datacenter
AS/400
The IRC
Emacs
Operating System
A text editor
DEFCON
vim
The Chaos Communication Congress
A provider
A WINRAR™ license
DOS 3.3
Blinkenlights
Coffee
Club Mate
Cooperative multitasking
High availability computing
640 KB
A frozen WiFi cable
Windows XP Service Pack 6
OS/2
Cat5-o-9-tails
A standard 42 U rack
Halon™ gas
The wrong cable
20.000 Volt
CAT 4 UTP
Alcohol
The sysadmin
Terrorists
A DVD rewinder
A voodoo doll
Kryptochef Vollbitverschlüsselung
Superglue
An old software version
A stolen license key
Bruce Schneiers blog
Waving a dead chicken over the servers
T-Offline
Foreign Intelligence
The product owner
Two men in black suits
Military grade cryptography/encryption
A division by zero
Paperwork
The ticket system
The "halt and catch fire" Bug
An uncaught exception
Postfix
A functional programming fanboy
sendmail
A WLAN client trying to connect to Facebook
Outlook for Android
mdadm
Cisco AnyConnect
Adobe Flash
Every database ever written
Napalm
A high pitched noise
SNMP v2
QNAP NAS
A 90° bend fibre cable
rm -rf
My Little Pony
1.000.000 clicks on youtube
A sysop with a huge beard
Spamhaus
ssl3_rsa_des_40_cbc_md5
djb
The Cloud
node.js
The system documentation
ISIS
A misogynistic blogpost
SyScan
Stefan Esser
OSX Malware
GiMP
SSH tunnels
Comic Sans
Telnet
Central Authentication System
The Terminal Server
SHA-1 PKI
libc
Perl 6
Cloudflare
Norton Internet Security
SCO Unix
Gentoo hardened kernel
SELinux
USB 3.0 Keyboard
An Atlassian Update script
Potemkin servers
Hetzner Support
A dilbert comic
The boss
chkdsk
defragmenting your harddrive
A broken LUKS container
A swift kick in the butt
Windows 10 Tiles
WINE
IBM Lotus Notes
A 5 year old Thunderbird Installation
Cyanogenmod
Distributed MongoDB
A poorly tested AngularJS Page
An old TPLink router
Tomcat 7
A sportsball game
An Akamai blogpost
Qually's SSLTest
800KB of minified EXTjs
IPv4 to IPv6
A misconfigured HAProxy
A chinese /64 net
Torrent
Piratebay
A document on wikileaks
The darknet
xkcd806-compliance
Undocumented iptable rules
Distributed Raspberry PI cluster
A lawyer
Lennart Pöttering
Linus Torvalds
Julian Assange
PAM
OS/2
the Democratic People's Republic of Korea
spontaneous self combustion
out-of-sync NTPd
libav
ISP-cobranded Fritzbox
A stoned sysop
Zombies
CACert
Illuminati
COBOL
XDA-Developers Forum User
A rootkit
Windows Services for Posix
Cyberattack
Token Ring
punch cards
10Base2-Uplink
HIMEM.SYS
Microsoft Bob
Chaos Computer Club
Windows 3.11
CVS
Chuck Norris
insubstantial weeping
Segfault
General error
Weapons of mass destruction
bit rot
a users skull
epoxy adhesives
Portscans
Knippex©®™ Firewall
Replacement bits for the storage array
SS7
Macworld
Export ciphers
CAPS LOCK
ROT13
wig made of backup tape
RFC1918
IP-over-avian-carriers
WindowsXP machine using Usenext
A strong cup of coffee
AOL Browser
/dev/null
Schei� Encoding!
/dev/urandom
Wordpress
PHP
a side-channel attack
Hipster Go
coffee to go™
Unmanaged switches
Regular Expressions
Abuse mails
LISP
Fortran
Klingon
A 10base-2 Hub
A blacklisted T-Offline Mailserver
Siemens Halske
Encryption made in Germany
The manual
DNSSEC
blogging
highly enriched uranium
A broken linecard
a pickset
IPv5
0.0.0.0
Advanced persistent threat
Home-brew crypto (encraption)
little Endian
big Endian
Unicode translation format
An unusable server-management interface
A bug in phpmyadmin
Local root exploits
Printers
a bug free version from oracle
krautchan
polandball
PXE boot
Debian experimental
Debian stable
Ubuntu LTS
Real hardware
The datacenter's ISO certifcation
A binary blob
Docker container
Physical Layer
Upstart
::1
The silicon valley
open FTP server
Unreal Tournament
Rule 34
Full-stack-developers
Ballmerpeak
LaTeX
Clippy
A user
Siri
An endless resource of animated GIFs
The evil bit
Homebrew encryption
Yahoo toolbar
Burning hardware
Crapware
Bundled software
TCP/IP
UDP
DualStack Lite
Windows Server Update Services
ActiveDirectory
��� Encoding
Competing standards
Proprietary software
Usenet
de.alt.sysadmin.recovery
A russian nuclear warhead
ReiserFS
NTFS
A mechanical mouse
The ARP table
XML embedded in JSON embedded in XML
Null pointer
UTF-8
CAPI error
NoSQL
MongoDB
Stuxnet
Cryptocalypse
Closed Source
License flames
the brain
Cross-site scripting
SQL injections
Hipsters
127.0.0.1
Multipass
a bug in openssl
Freifunk
an open root shell
QuickTime
the one ring
RealPlayer
1.21 Gigawatt
production environment
A 230V≈ Hub
guest access
A bottle of whiskey
connection reset by peer
A Commodore C64
Siemens
Made in West-Germany
BND
A microwave
A Windows Rescue Disk
Cards against Humanity
ICQ
Project Manager
Github
A First-Aid-kit
Sony
Hannah Montana Linux (HML)
apt-get
yum
A fork bomb
xampp
teamviewer
negative ions
SCSI-0 Interface problem
A pesthörnchen
Avira Anti-Virus
An EMP
A drive-by shooting
A big large trout
GNU Hurd
a PLC exposed to the public internet
512-bit RSA keys
a plaintext private key in a firmware image
:(){ :|:&};:
the POODLE attack
the BEAST attack
cyber-feminism
a remote code execution in libc
fire
a genuine and authorized Pope of Discordia
the discordian calendar
magic
executable line noise
a CGI script from 1993
an ActiveX control
a Brainfuck interpreter in INTERCAL
Netscape
NCSA Mosaic
RealPlayer
Edward Snowden
the Mossad
a default password
a 500 page MS Word document with 73 images and 85 tables
an e-mail sent to everyone in the company
De-Mail
network cable bondage
rapists
Mozilla
The Paamayim Nekudotayim Exception
hot spaceship operators in your area
salacious push notifications
vogon poetry
clingon short text messages
security by obscurity
a PASCAL script from 1975
TurboPASCAL
a towel
5TB of speed metal albums
PSD2HTML
Microsoft FrontPage
A DHTML file with windows encoding
Wireless hackers on MDMA
LaDoSaNoStra
Hacker conference challenge badges
segfaulting VLC
superbowl commercials
Firefox Sync
angry support tickets about the DNT flag being ignored
a pipe smoking javascript coder
vardump driven development
the whole city's internet access
oneplus invite
keybase.io
PGP
metasploit
Transgender systemd developer
a BSOD
#
# BLACK CARDS
#
_ + _ = _
Step 1.: _ Step 2.: _ Step 3.: Profit!
When I opened the door to the server room, I found _.
A user left his screen unlocked. I used _ to teach him a lesson.
I closed the ticket because of _.
The server is unavailable because _ ran out of _.
_ is the superhero we need.
My weapon in the cyberwar will be _.
_. Your argument is invalid.
The next big thing: _.
The biggest failure in the history of system administration was _.
This computing center features all the bells and whistles by running the new _.
Our new datacenter features _.
Good news everyone. I invented _.
I invite you all to an adventure to _. You can take _ with you.
The best _ in the world is _.
BOFH excuse of the day: _.
This meetings topic is _.
I received a spam mail. It's a cheap offer for _.
I do not always use _. But when I do, I do it in _.
Our technical competence relies on _.
_ is a nice _. It just lacks a decent _.
Have you tried turning _ off and on again?
I discovered an unpatched version of _ in the production environment.
With a billion dollars, I would buy _.
No, it is not possible to run _ on _.
Our backup solution is based on _.
It's the new _ server operating system.
_ ought to be enough for everyone.
Is this _ part really marked with "Made in USSR?"
What do you mean "_"!?
You got the memo about _.
The backup tape is not available because of _.
_ has set the Ticket to "Won't fix".
Remember that noise coming from the _? That was _.
Your wiki contains a new page about _.
_ for Mac.
_ has set the datacenter on fire.
And so the sysop has opened a bottle of beer with _.
We just had the fire extinguisher filled with _.
_ will provide our new infrastructure.
The _ interface caused an off-by-one error in the monitoring system.
_ has leaked your private keys on production.
You have to explain _ how to set up a curve25519 key with ssh_keygen.
Your parents asked to you to fix _ on their computer.
io.js scales better than _.
_ has emptied the fridge.
_ has denied attending because of the lack of CoC.
It's actually GNU/_.
_ has asked you to decentralize _.
_ overuses the "cyber" buzzword.
_ screwed up all IP telephone's connectivity in the callcenter.
_ was deployed via a 20 year old perl deploy script.
_ has asked you the problem was caused by _.
The new PO previously worked at _.
Discussing _ bugs with Microsoft support.
Obama talking about the issues with _ and freedom.
_ doesn't comply our coding guidelines.
_ is being flamed by infosec people on twitter.
_ didn't whant to buy a certificate for their onlineshop.
You elect _ as the new scrum master.
_ caused the client's windows pc to halt.
_ is not included in our SLA.
You get flamed for even trying to use _ by the whole scrum team.
The snakeoil vendor recommends using _.
A bug in _ caused you to be on call during christmas.
_ ddos'd the application.
_ would be a big topic in our next conference.
You need to speak about _ at the next cfgmgmtcamp.
Just use _ and the problems will solve it self.
You need to integrate _ into _ for scalability.
We migrated to the new version of _.
You are asked to put Semver into _.
Contact _ on twitter.
_ has caused prod to halt.
_. Critical hit.
You are using _. It's not very effective.
You need to rewrite the documentation of _ for gender neutrality.
We need to write a blogpost how to integrate _ into the cloud.
You need to write a cookbook for installing _ on gentoo.
_ just relaunched and they use _ heavily.
_ is on call for your machinery tonight.
The new hostname is _.
Can you realize BJOD using _?
Can you take a look why _ doesnt forward emails anymore?
All my users have been killed due to _.
Then just add _ manually to /etc/passwd!
Here is the new opsec guy, can you show him our _ implementation?
Our honeypot monitoring showed me we use _. Why?
I used _ to verify that the system is secure.
You have _ as a dependency blocker.
You get a memo to hotfix _ simply using _ on staging.
7:38 in the morning. Time for _!
The datacenter is being raided by _.
_ may cause skin cancer.
_ spilled beer on the rack. You fix it using _.
_ mines bitcoins on your prod system.
Actually, it's about ethics in _ journalism.
_ didn't show up once in the logs. Sounds legit.
This is no bug. It's _!
Please reimplement _ in _.
The boss asked for _. So I gave him _.
systemd-_d
_ is on now twitter.
You need to start /etc/init.d/_ manually!
Go ask on the _ mailinglist.
My Raspberry Pi runs _!
I just found out that the cable labelled _ is plugged into _.
Sure. We have a connector for _ to garden hose.
I lifted a base plate in the server room. There was _ under it.
Our cooling outage was caused by _ in the fan.
The pornfilter just blocked the term "_".
_ is more secure than _.
_ is not a text editor.
_ is the best text editor.
Incompetence for 400. "_." What is _?
_ made in Germany!
_ The latest feature on facebook.
The last point on our agenda is _.
_ as a service.
But the sysadmin told me to use _.
_ is secure by design!
Of course there is a full documentation about _.
_ has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience.
_ is userfriendly.
That user had a problem with _. I told him to use _.
All our servers have been upgraded to support _.
We've completely migrated _ to Amazon Web Services.
_ is now case-insensitive!
_ has commited suicide.
We are being sued because of _!
_? There is an app for that!
We use _ as a random number generator.
This "accident" was caused by _.
I read about _ in the latest issue of WIRED!
Enough _ for today! I have to do some work with _.
But I've read on HN that _ is insecure!
A trollpost on reddit said that _ doesn't work with _.
The intern copied the _ configuration from Stackoverflow!
If we put _ into _, _ should work.
Sadly, all articles on _ are only hello world!
In my country we are not allowed to watch youtube videos on _!
China has extended their internet filter on _.
Reddit & _ are going to start the next cyberwar!
_. This summer. In every movie theater.
I lost hold of _ and it crushed the user.
Time for _ and some bubblegum.
I went to _ and all i got was this lousy _!
I slayed Onyxia using _ once!
_-porn.
As long as _ exists, we are not safe to use the internet!
My mom forbid me to use _ :(
_ is dead, long live _!
Are there any good test-frameworks for _?
…and then I said _ and walked away.
_. What could possibly go wrong?
We don't need a backup, we already have _!
I cam here to kick ass and _. But I ran out of _.
_ on a production server.
We are using _ but we should upgrade to _.
We have a local user group for _. But they are always drunk.
I dont use Debian, they just migrated to _!
There's no place like _!
Perl has just adopted the new _ operator :3
_ will change the world as we know it.
What is this new _? I always see people with shirts about this...
I just crashed production using _ and hotel wifi.
Nobody ever got fired for buying _.
Oh we don't use encryption. We use _.
Thank you for buying _ on amazon.com.
I used to be core maintainer of _. But then I took an arrow to the knee.
"Just install _! I use it every time." - The boss
Wasn't _ used to hack in the blackhat movie?
ERMEGERD - _!
git pull _ master
The lovely sound of _.
I love the smell of _ in the morning.
People call _ users thought leaders!
Are there any security issues with _?
Does _ integrate with AngularJS?
Could _ survive a fall from the 5th floor?
All you need is _ and duct tape!
We just recieved a box full of _.
I will hold a talk about _ on the next conference.
The latest thing in data transfer: _.
_? That's in the secound drawer of my desk.
"We are sorry. He recieved a lethal dose from _."
SixXS cut off our IPv6 because of _
We use _ with _ because _ doesn't scale
_ is webscale
O'Reilly just published a book about _.
All your _ belong to us.
_ worked on our development systems stable!
They told us _ would be bugfree by design!
_? We have a support contract for that.
BOFH hint of the day: _.
import _
_.pdf.exe
Who connected _ to the uninterruptible power supply?
_, have your heard of it, motherfucker?
_ would not have happend, were you using _.
If you think Tor-Browser is slow, you should try _!
_, the definitive guide!
_, the good parts!
Why would you ever want to use _? It's immoral!
Rule 34 _
Apple finally gets its patent on _
My first true love was _
